miércoles, 23 de junio de 2010

free time = emergence of feelings

Tool to save the day, once again. I love this band with my heart and soul, I don't care how much they may crash and burn in the future (knock on wood!) I will always love what they have created for the people and their auditory senses.

So the semester is coming to a close. One more final exam, and I'm done with this university! We'll see how it goes. I don't really know the point of this entry... I have nothing to do other than knit, study, watch movies, eat food, and wait for some form of money to arrive. New debit card and pin number are coming in the mail (hopefully) and I have enough to get me to and from my final exam on Friday, nothing more. Luckily I have a stock of rice, lentils, pasta, and soy sauce for some asian cuisine stocked on my shelf. I've done this before, during the summertime if you don't recall. I just never wanted to have to do it again. I guess the torturous part is that I have money.. thanks to my wonderful parents. I have money in my account, but I cannot access it... If I could go back in time to that night of losing my wallet I would be super paranoid about it. I was careful about it, it was zipped up in my purse and everything. My only guess is that it got caught on one of the scarves i returned to my friends and fell out... nobody could have snuck in there and taken it and then zipped my back back up, I keep it under my arm. No point in thinking about the past though. Think about now, and until I get my card.

My time is slowly dwindling... I have 5 weeks left. ONLY 5 WEEKS! Two of which will be spent with my best friend JESSIE. I can't believe she is actually coming. I didn't believe it until she gave me a date and time of arrival... and even now it seems like a dream. This whole trip is starting to feel like a dream long past, but I want to stretch it out as long as possible. Thinking about sitting back at the student union at UAA listening to English and seeing people smoke outside rather than inside and having short hairstyles and bell bottomed jeans and blonde hair is scaring me. I am going to have the worst culture shock when I go back home, and I know this going in. I hear it's the worst when you go back home from a trip like this. I am trying to prepare myself for it, but there is nothing you can really do to prepare... just like coming here, you are just thrown into it and you gotta sink or swim. I'll be treading for a long, long time.

I will cut this entry short for now. I am feeling melancholic, although contrary to the definition of the word, it will not last too long. This is just what happens when you have too much free time and you know a huge change in your life is coming... you dwell and overthink. I've spent all day reading Norse Mythology on Google Books online. I promised myself I would finish that collection before I started on Celtic myths and legends. I do have a book waiting for me at home in Alaska, 1/4 finished,  called "Australian Myths, Legends, and Fables". I need to get some books on Alaskan legends... that would be ideal, since I am from Alaska.

This entry is kind of bizarre compared to my others, but these are thoughts I wanted to share with the public, it is not meant to be a private entry. I want everyone to see the end of my study abroad, I want people to know how I feel and what is going on in my mind. There are not enough words to express fully how I am feeling, because it is a constant bubbling, changing feeling between happiness, sadness, and fear. From today I have exactly 5 weeks and 3 days left. I intend to put it to good use.


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